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Fiery Heart Couple
Outer Game refers to tricks, techniques and processes used in Dating and Intimate Relationships. Some of these - like learning pick-up lines - can often feel corny and weak. This is why Inner Game is far more important. However, some aspects of Outer Game are very helpful, like:
'Evolutionary' Outer Game
This is about following the courtship ritual. All animals follow a mating script and humans are no exception. According to David DeAngelo, a prominent dating expert, women can verbalise all these steps if asked, but men generally have no idea they even exist! Men don't understand these steps are usually required to progress the courtship. In his eBook Bridges, he lists them as:
1. Approach (Walking over and saying hello);
2. Digits (Getting a phone number, email address, etc.);
3. Date request (This can actually be done when you first meet);
4. Date (The actual time with her);
5. Hold hands (The first sustained physical contact);
6. Kiss (The first 'intimate' contact);
7. Alone in private (Trust);
8. Make out (Sexually aroused);
9. Clothes off (Very sexually aroused);
10. Sex (Very very very sexually aroused!).
This means that women are more like fires that generally need a sustained approach to ignite their passion, unlike men who are more like light switches.
Outer Game for Men
How to Use Outer Game Authentically
"I love outer game stuff [rehearsed openers, lines, routines, etc.] - it's a great way to spice up an interaction with storytelling, role-playing, banter, etc... My take on the "outer game pickup stuff" is that you should feel free to use outer game techniques, on one condition: YOU ENJOY THEM, FOR THEIR OWN SAKE. In other words, if you're using these techniques "in order to" get her to respond in a certain way (make her attracted to you, make her feel safe with you), then my experience is that the interaction will feel slightly "off," because you're trying to "make something happen," you're attempting to control or force the interaction. But if you truly enjoy those techniques, and you aren't attached to how she responds to you, then you could tell the same stories... use the same lines... and have it feel great for both of you. If that's the case, knock yourself out!"
"Think of yourself as a sensual waiter with a very rich menu of sexy ideas from which your gal can select. She might want a little snack. Perhaps a breast massage with organic oil? Or to sit on your lap and have you kiss her and stroke her hair, her back, her thighs. She might want a little something more... Seldom does a woman really want an offer of full out sexual intercourse. That's too much too soon. We need to be warmed up before lovemaking sounds good to us. You'll have a LOT more sex if instead, you run her these menus of options, likely starting even smaller than these ides with a sensual massage, a bath together, a back or foot rub. (I know you get tired of foot-rubs but they get her in her body so you can escalate, so do it lovingly and with all the sensuality you can muster remembering we're a slow fire that needs tending to get white hot.) The more SMALL OFFERS you make her, ultimately the more sex you'll have. If she turns your offers down, scale them back, don't take it as rejection, just try again. Remember: There is no failure, only feedback..."
Outer Game Resources for Men
For education in outer game, there are many possibilities, but some that I have found useful for men are:-David DeAngelo - subscribing to his email list brings much free advice. Some of his advice:-
Carlos Xuma - slick dating tips and programs.
Marni - Your Personal Wing Girl - offers many free YouTube videos. Similar to David DeAngelo's 'Cocky Comedy' is her flip method.
Personal Life Media (tons of free articles, audio). They also offer brilliant programs like Seduction Trilogy and Revive Her Drive. Some tips include:-
Outer Game for Women
Outer Game Resources for Women
Her Aspiration - Dating Tips for Women without the Fluff. As seen on Buzzfeed, Lifehack, wikiHow.
Susan Bratton says here (accessed 4 January 2014):
"People don’t really get GOOD at sex until their 50s or 60s and you can have a hot sex life until the day you pass on. Sex is one of the most nurturing and healthy experiences you can have. So notice yourself becoming more confident and orgasmic as you move toward co-created bliss together."
It would be great if humans could start becoming great at sex and authentic relating much younger than this!
It would prevent a lot of violent and abusive behaviour by sexually frustrated men.
When men learn how to interact with women without coercion, money or violence, I am confident that the 1 in 3 women currently having to endure physical or sexual violence will hugely be reduced.
These simple skills of outer game and inner game are something the world desperately needs.
They are far more important than technology, or what schools teach, or university.
Let's make sure men everywhere can access this information preferably for free.
After all, this is for World Peace...
Sexual Consent & Harassment