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Grief as Waves
| Death & Time
Death as Timeless
Spiritual science tells us that the Otherworld is a place where time does not exist.
Lilla Bek (personal reading 17 April 1999) says:
"In the higher worlds, there is no such thing as time. You're always in the right place at the right time, saying the right thing to the right person. There is no free will."
Time & Models of Grief
Theoretical models of the grieving process - the emotional stages experienced when facing death - are usually given as linear and with time frames.
So the Kübler-Ross model has five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
"...it may be argued that bereavement fractures the sequential experience of time and that any model of grief and mourning that relies on a straightforward passage of time construct is inappropriate...
Full recollection and retention [of what is lost and its incorporation into the present] may be as vital to recovery and wellbeing as forfeiting memories... [Myerhoff]
In effect the modernist understanding of time, like the modernist constructions of order and control, does not survive the impact of extreme experiences like bereavement. The modern exists as a layer on top of other ways of making sense of experiences; for example, faith, fate, and so on. Once fissures appear in the veneer of the modern we are allowed glimpses of the underlying residual belief systems, many of which are pre-modern. The coming together of the dying person or the bereaved, within this complex of beliefs, and the professional trying to cling to the structures of the modern creates the sort of dissonance that can make for problematic encounters with bereavement services." (Neil Small)
Probably a better model to understand grief and time is wave-based. At any time, different stages may ebb in and out. Rather than having to reach recovery or resolution or closure, a connection is maintained to the loss. It is like the ancestors of many traditional societies. Indeed spiritually this is the truth - see here, here.
"The notions of phases or stages is helpful up to a point, but we can get trapped into thinking people ought to be at a certain stage at a certain point. I much prefer a wave kind of model which says that you can be up one day and down the next." (Ann Eyre, disaster management expert, cited in Woodthorpe, 2009)
Death & Immortality