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Photo Credits:-

What is sexual harassment? graphic
(Ontario Human Rights Commission)

What part of NO don't you understand?
(geralt, Pixabay)

Maybe we should talk (geralt, Pixabay)

Man in Prison Cell
(Dieter_G, Pixabay)

Sexual Consent & Harassment


'If it's unwanted, it's harassment' image

Some insights into sexual harassment:-
  • If it's unwanted, it's harassment. However, you are allowed to courteously ask a woman/man out! It is about being sensitive to her/his cues. Read on for further explanation...
  • Sexual harassment is unwanted sexual advances, obscene remarks, etc. (Oxford English Dictionary cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
  • Sexual harassment is unwanted conduct of a sexual nature, which violates a person's dignity or creates an intimidating, hostile, degrading or offensive environment. (UK's Equality Act 2010 cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
  • Sexual harassment constitutes: non-consensual touching; feeling entitled to someone else; talking in a certain way; chasing girls down the street in order to chat them up; wolf-whistling and using a position of power or trust to talk in a creepy way. (Sea Ming Pak cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
  • Flirting becomes sexual harassment when it's unwanted and persistent (Sarah King of Stuart Miller Solicitors cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
  • Flirting becomes sexual harassment when a man pushes things too far, through talk or action, when a woman clearly doesn't want it. (Adapted from James Preece, relationships expert, cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
What part of NO don't you understand? graphic
  • 81% of US women say they've been sexually harassed. (Stop Street Harassment 2018 National Survey cited in BBC, 1m55s, posted and accessed 23 May 2018) It usually happens in public spaces. Video also shows how bystanders can intervene.
  • Learn about street harassment.
  • Understand sexual microaggressions by men, and their unacceptability.
  • Both men and women need to be having a dialogue with each other, not against each other. That’s really important. (Kalki Koechlin, famous Bollywood actress and gender rights activist, BBC video, 2m7s, posted and accessed 9 January 2018)
'Maybe we should talk' graphic
  • Apply the Rock Test: "Don't say anything to a woman you wouldn't say to Dwayne the Rock Johnson."
  • Apply the Golden Rule for Men by Peter White: "I think the golden rule for men should be: If you're a man, don't say anything to a woman on the street that you wouldn't want a man saying to you in prison." 
  • I prefer the Golden Rule to the Rock Test. The Rock Test is more of an antisocial scenario; the Rock has a lot to lose if he goes round beating people up (e.g. on collision with the pavment they die, he is jailed). The Golden Rule of Peter White implies the ever-present prospect of asocial violence that so often simmers underneath serious men-to-women hostility.
Man silhouette in prison cell

Understand consent properly:-
  • Consider the analogy of tea as consent.
  • People just don’t understand the concept of consent. It’s not just about saying ‘no’, consent is an enthusiastic ‘yes’. (Rachel Brook, IPPF volunteer, 47s of IPPF video, posted 7 March 2018, accessed 8 March 2018)
  • Sex must be consensual. Have a safe word or gesture if playing BDSM games.
  • Just like animals, you have to go through the evolutionary courtship ritual. Your porn-rich computer/smartphone and hyper-sexualised culture may have tricked your brain into thinking you can cut straight to porn-style sex, but this does not meet the evolutionary needs of women. The stages or bridges are summarised here.

Also see:-

Sex Education

Violence & Sexual Frustration

Male Sexual Problems

Blame or Empowerment? [PC2]

Skirting Around [PC3]

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