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Photo Credits:-

What is sexual harassment? graphic
(Ontario Human Rights Commission)

What part of NO don't you understand?
(geralt, Pixabay)

Maybe we should talk (geralt, Pixabay)

Man in Prison Cell
(Dieter_G, Pixabay)

Sexual Consent & Harassment

Harassment

'If it's unwanted, it's harassment' image

Some insights into sexual harassment:-
  • If it's unwanted, it's harassment. However, you are allowed to courteously ask a woman/man out! It is about being sensitive to her/his cues. Read on for further explanation...
  • Sexual harassment is unwanted sexual advances, obscene remarks, etc. (Oxford English Dictionary cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
  • Sexual harassment is unwanted conduct of a sexual nature, which violates a person's dignity or creates an intimidating, hostile, degrading or offensive environment. (UK's Equality Act 2010 cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
  • Sexual harassment constitutes: non-consensual touching; feeling entitled to someone else; talking in a certain way; chasing girls down the street in order to chat them up; wolf-whistling and using a position of power or trust to talk in a creepy way. (Sea Ming Pak cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
  • Flirting becomes sexual harassment when it's unwanted and persistent (Sarah King of Stuart Miller Solicitors cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
  • Flirting becomes sexual harassment when a man pushes things too far, through talk or action, when a woman clearly doesn't want it. (Adapted from James Preece, relationships expert, cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
What part of NO don't you understand? graphic
  • 81% of US women say they've been sexually harassed. (Stop Street Harassment 2018 National Survey cited in BBC, 1m55s, posted and accessed 23 May 2018) It usually happens in public spaces. Video also shows how bystanders can intervene.
  • Learn about street harassment.
  • Understand sexual microaggressions by men, and their unacceptability.
  • Both men and women need to be having a dialogue with each other, not against each other. That’s really important. (Kalki Koechlin, famous Bollywood actress and gender rights activist, BBC video, 2m7s, posted and accessed 9 January 2018)
'Maybe we should talk' graphic
  • Apply the Rock Test: "Don't say anything to a woman you wouldn't say to Dwayne the Rock Johnson."
  • Apply the Golden Rule for Men by Peter White: "I think the golden rule for men should be: If you're a man, don't say anything to a woman on the street that you wouldn't want a man saying to you in prison." 
  • I prefer the Golden Rule to the Rock Test. The Rock Test is more of an antisocial scenario; the Rock has a lot to lose if he goes round beating people up (e.g. on collision with the pavment they die, he is jailed). The Golden Rule of Peter White implies the ever-present prospect of asocial violence that so often simmers underneath serious men-to-women hostility.
Man silhouette in prison cell

Consent
Understand consent properly:-
  • Consider the analogy of tea as consent.
  • People just don’t understand the concept of consent. It’s not just about saying ‘no’, consent is an enthusiastic ‘yes’. (Rachel Brook, IPPF volunteer, 47s of IPPF video, posted 7 March 2018, accessed 8 March 2018)
  • Sex must be consensual. Have a safe word or gesture if playing BDSM games.
  • Just like animals, you have to go through the evolutionary courtship ritual. Your porn-rich computer/smartphone and hyper-sexualised culture may have tricked your brain into thinking you can cut straight to porn-style sex, but this does not meet the evolutionary needs of women. The stages or bridges are summarised here.
  • In the UK, the Sexual Offences Act 1956 differentiates between 'consent' and 'submission'. Having sex with someone who cannot consent is rape. In a nutshell, 'lack of consent' means:-
  • Use of force or threats by perpetrator.
  • Drink, drugs, sleep, age or mental disability meant that complainant was unaware of what was happening and/or incapable of giving consent.
  • Complainant was deceived as to the identity of the perpetrator.
  • Complainant was under age 16.


Shocking Statistics
  • There are approximately one billion women on the planet who have been violated. (Eve Ensler, posted 18 October 2017, accessed 10 October 2018) [This is 1 in 3 women. Men, stand up for women and for our education in the Ways of Inner Game!]
  • Only 15% of people who experience sexual violence choose to report to police. (Rape Crisis, England and Wales, dated 2018, accessed 10 October 2018
  • About 90% of those who are raped know the perpetrator prior to the offence. (Rape Crisis, England and Wales, dated 2018, accessed 10 October 2018)
  • 25% of girls experience sexual abuse by age 16. Young women aged under 18 are 48% of all rapes. In a society where sexual abuse of young women is rampant, it's not surprising many women never share their stories. They remain hidden and invisible. (See Invisible Girls: The Truth about Sexual Abuse - A Book for Teen Girls, Young Women, and Everyone Who Cares About Them by Patti Feuereisen)
Resources:-

#MeToo

 Harassment Rape Consent Stalking
Also see:-

Sex Education

Violence & Sexual Frustration

Male Sexual Problems

Blame or Empowerment? [PC2]

Skirting Around [PC3]

Handling & Understanding Violence


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