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Sexual Consent & Harassment

Harassment

'If it's unwanted, it's harassment' image

Some insights into sexual harassment:-
  • If it's unwanted, it's harassment. However, you are allowed to courteously ask a woman/man out! It is about being sensitive to her/his cues. Read on for further explanation...
  • Sexual harassment is unwanted sexual advances, obscene remarks, etc. (Oxford English Dictionary cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
  • Sexual harassment is unwanted conduct of a sexual nature, which violates a person's dignity or creates an intimidating, hostile, degrading or offensive environment. (UK's Equality Act 2010 cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
  • Sexual harassment constitutes: non-consensual touching; feeling entitled to someone else; talking in a certain way; chasing girls down the street in order to chat them up; wolf-whistling and using a position of power or trust to talk in a creepy way. (Sea Ming Pak cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
  • Flirting becomes sexual harassment when it's unwanted and persistent (Sarah King of Stuart Miller Solicitors cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
  • Flirting becomes sexual harassment when a man pushes things too far, through talk or action, when a woman clearly doesn't want it. (Adapted from James Preece, relationships expert, cited at BBC, posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
  • Learn about street harassment.
  • Understand sexual microaggressions by men, and their unacceptability.
  • Apply the Rock Test: "Don't say anything to a woman you wouldn't say to Dwayne the Rock Johnson."
  • Apply the Golden Rule for Men by Peter White: "I think the golden rule for men should be: If you're a man, don't say anything to a woman on the street that you wouldn't want a man saying to you in prison." 
  • I prefer the Golden Rule to the Rock Test. The Rock Test is more of an antisocial scenario; the Rock has a lot to lose if he goes round beating people up (e.g. on collision with the pavment they die, he is jailed). The Golden Rule of Peter White implies the ever-present prospect of asocial violence that so often simmers underneath serious men-to-women hostility.
Consent
Understand consent properly:-
  • Consider the analogy of tea as consent.
  • Sex must be consensual. Have a safe word or gesture if playing BDSM games.
  • Just like animals, you have to go through the evolutionary courtship ritual. Your porn-rich computer/smartphone and hyper-sexualised culture may have tricked your brain into thinking you can cut straight to porn-style sex, but this does not meet the evolutionary needs of women. The stages or bridges are summarised here.


Resources:-
Also see:-

Sex Education

Violence & Sexual Frustration

Male Sexual Problems

Blame or Empowerment? [PC2]

Skirting Around [PC3]




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